Saturday, September 6, 2008

P2b

AJ

I waited outside for about a half hour. I was becoming inpatient. Did his mom refuse to come get me? God, if only Chance could drive himself. What do I say to her? What do I do when my mom comes searching? I’m quite confused. Out comes the cell again.
“Hello?” she asks.
“This is AJ.”
“Oh my God! What’s up bro?”
“Where are you?”
“Why?”
“Amelia, where are you?”
“I’m actually in Charlotte.”
“I thought you were in California. What are you doing so close by?”
“I was gunna make a surprise pit stop. Do you need something?”
“Yes I need you to get me from Chance’s this afternoon. It’s urgent. I’m living with you from now on.”
“Oh God. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”
“Shut up. I’m doing this. Here’s the address…”

Ten minutes later we had it all worked out. I would go home with Chance and then Amelia would pick me up a couple hours later. Finally the puppeteer controlling me just lost a string or two. I’m starting to pull them down. Pull them down hard. Now I just have to tell my mom I’m going to Chance’s house for the night. She’ll just have to deal with it.
Another ten minutes later it’s all set. And then I see the flash of red that belongs to Chance’s mom’s car. It rolls up to me about 6 inches away from my feet. I jump in and feel immediately comfortable. Chance and his family are so cool. I’m excited.
“So why couldn’t your mom get you today?” asks his mother.
“Actually she just let me come over. You don’t mind do you Ms. Lawson?”
“Oh no of course not. We love you AJ. You’re like a second son.” She shutters. There is some history to this situation.
Chance had a little brother until 2 years ago. His name was Timmy. I was friends with Chance when Timmy was still here. Chance and I were 11 and Timmy was 7. He was such a great kid, but one awful day he was hit crossing the street. Ever since they have kind of taken me in as a second kid. I suppose I fill that empty part in their lives. This is part of the reason I am so important to Chance.
“Well I take that as a compliment,” I say beaming. “So Chance, what do you wanna do once we get to your place?”
“Whatever...” he mumbles. He is most definitely hurting.
I feel bad and my heart sinks, but Chance knows that this is necessary. I think he is more worried about what I will get into with Amelia. The more I think about it he’s probably right.

She is a pretty crazy kid.


Jenna

My breath fogged up the glass obscuring my view of the asphalt holding the bus. With each inhale the condensation retreated, and with every exhale it grew once more. A finger that shook with memories of the previous night made its way to the window. I rubbed the blur of and turned to my left. No surprise. The seat was empty next to me. I sat crunched against the side of the bus as if I was squished by someone in my seat. There was no someone.
The bus stopped. A new stop? I heard the feet step onto the bus. A girl. She stepped up the stairs and peeper into the faces belonging to the arrogant children that tortured me. She stepped forward cautiously. She stopped. She looked down at me.
“May I?” My heart stopped. Was this some sick joke? “Well?”
“Sure.” She took a seat next to me.
“I’m Kyrie. What’s your name?”
“Uh, Jenna.”
“It’s okay – I know,” she said wisely. Did she know something I didn’t?
“You know what?” She grasped my arm, looked into my eyes, and said clear as water,


“Your pain.”

Could this be happening?


Zane

I arrived at my hotel room around four in the afternoon, which typically was my time to surf the web. Saying I was in a hotel room, not to mention my head was buzzing, I decided against it. Instead I through on a suit and made my way down to the pool to catch some rays.
My thoughts were moving faster than I could keep up with them. Before I knew it I was out of the room and on the way to the pool. I hardly could remember the past four hours, much less the past five minutes. I didn’t really know what was so amazing about Clara. Sure, she had the looks of a goddess, and a pretty cool personality, but plenty of girls fit the same description.
Maybe it was just the rush of being in a new place and doing something you aren’t supposed to do. I thought I was in love. I knew I sounded nuts, but you just know. You know when you’re in love, when it’s not just another high school crush.
I got down to the pool and pulled out my cell. I called Clara, eagerly awaiting a response. No pickup. No stress either. She just didn’t have her phone. I put on my shades, popped in my iPod, and laid back. I figured I might as well enjoy the sun before my parents got home.
At about nine o’clock my parents burst through the door. Seemed early to be home in Vegas.
“Damn Zane! Get out of that bed. Is your stuff packed?” My mom sounded panicked.
“No, why would it be? We still have 6 days.” I just figured she was drunk and didn’t have a clue as to what she was talking about.
“Get your stuff Zane. We’re leaving, tonight!” Dad sounded panicked too.
“What the hell, why, what is going on?” Now I was a little worried, typically my dad wasn’t a trashy drunk.
“They caught us counting Zane, they’re gunna kill us. We have to leave. We have the cash but they caught us.” My mom again.
“Counting cards? Are you kidding me? You were counting cards?” I was pissed.
“Get your stuff and meet us at the car. Asap.” Won’t argue with Dad.

In the bustle of it all Clara completely slipped my mind.




























11 comments:

Anonymous said...

First, notes: "inpatient" in par. 1 should be impatient, and "shutters" in par. 5-ish should be shudders. :] Great work, really glad you're back, and will check frequently for more!

Also, I heard you were at LNCHS, but if you're at North, I wanted to bring to your attention that they have a literary magazine that publishes submitted lyrics, short stories poems, etc... this has your name written all over it! here's the link: http://pages.cms.k12.nc.us/northlitmag/

Grey Sanders said...

im at plp

Anonymous said...

i cant help but agree when you say its not one of your strongest peices. but everything has its slow parts. you just have to build it up, and you havent written this in a while so you just gotta get back into it. im glad your writing it again too!! "put those thoughts on paper" thats the only way to get your ideas out. i guess ms lawson is rubbing off on me...im anticipating zane's part! O.o

Anonymous said...

ooo, the suspense!! yay, i think im liking jenna the best. i find her pretty easy to relate to and understand, whereas im not even gonna pretend i can comprehend the others' pain. good, can't wait for more chris!

Anonymous said...

ok , WELL. just to be honest, its been so long since i read the other parts cause you never write it anymore!!! and i havent the slightest idea who kyrie or w/e is.

Anonymous said...

Great writing and like Laura said, suspenseful, and not in a nagging way but with more subtlety.

Until now, I didn't exactly want to know what was gonna happen next with Jenna cause it kept going downhill...but hope has arrived in the form of a random bus rider person!

"The seat was empty next to me. I sat crunched against the side of the bus as if I was squished by someone in my seat. There was no someone."

That part really stood out to me...

Grey Sanders said...

once again guys thanks so much for all of your feedback. it makes me feel like i'm writing for an audience. feel free to give the homepage link to your friends so they can get into my writing. jsut make sure they know i'm GREY SANDERS. i don't want anyone knowing my true identity. dun dun dun. if i could have y'alls emails (other than alice) i could send you emails when i post things. on the homepage there is info on that. btw alice, kyrie is a brand new character so no worries.

Anonymous said...

oh lo siento para revealing your true identity (i assume that was aimed toward me). id rather not put my email on here cuz im a paranoid weirdo but its in the info page on my facebook. :]

Anonymous said...

Wow. That was good. Can't wait till the rest. I love your names, by the way! Most people in my creative writing class don't put personality in it. Just Bill and Joe (no lie). These names have personality written all over it.
What's plp?
AHH! I can't wait for the rest!! The suspense is killing me!!
I'm so glad that Jenna has met a friend. I hope it's for the better. I also hope that AJ going with Amelia is for the better too. Good luck, Zane! Lol.
And I am most definetly going to recommend this to my friends so they can read this amazing piece by "Grey".-- cool name, btw.
You had some mess-ups..
Actually mess-up.
Jenna. Line 5.
You said: "I rubbed the blur OF and turned to my left." I think it should be: "I rubbed the blur OFF and turned to my left."
I'm still kinda confused about the prologue though. The whole thing that AJ was 24 and he's now 14... Wait, wait? AJ wasn't in drugs when he was 14, but that was before he moved with his sister... and before he was 24 he lived with his sister... and in the prologue it said how he did drugs... Amelia did drugs... Never mind.. I think I get it now. Lol.
Gosh, I just love how everything flows together. Like how everything works so well. For each person's story it just goes like it is seriously happening. Wow, that's amazing.
Great job!
And I can't wait for more!!
Emma C:

Grey Sanders said...

Thanks Emma for the comments. Who are you? Emma C? hmmmm. anyways, if you reccomended this that would be awesome. i'm glad ppl like it. plp is pine lake prep. lol grey is a bland name. i like it.

Anonymous said...

Idk if you remember me... From sixth grade? I rode your bus in the morning? I was friends with short Anna on the bus? Yep, that's me.... And Kayla recommended this to me and I'm so glad she did!!!

Just making sure... but did you check the rest of your comments for this story? All the comments for the other parts? Because I edited some of your mistakes.

I know some people that go to that school. Well I know people that know people. I know Amanada A. and Anna A. goes there. I think that Sarah B. goes there too? She might go to North?

-Emma C.
If you don't remember me you can look at your yearbook if you have one...
I like Grey too, lol.